So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
