The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
