piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
