Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I CAN MOONWALK!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
