It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize