I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
