Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
