um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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