...so i touched it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
