I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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