When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
