Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
