I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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