Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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