smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
