At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
