I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
