Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
