I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
