I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
