We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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