epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
