I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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