I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
