Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
