You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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