why didn't you poke me back
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
