I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
