i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
