Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
