Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
