Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
