i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
