In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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