Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
