Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
