can u get pink eye on your cock?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
