I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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