so that wasnt chicken after all
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
