can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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