I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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