I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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