plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
