I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
