I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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