Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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