Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
