covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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