It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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