i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
