It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
