Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
