If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
