Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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