If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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