even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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