This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
