I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
