went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
