Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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