Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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