I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
