Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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