i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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